October 7, 2005

the i-want list

1. I want to get sick today.
2. I want rain.
3. I want my thesis with Yen finished.
4. I want to drink coffee.
5. I want to stay at National Book Store and finish By the River Piedra I sat down and wept.
6. I want to go to the library and borrow The Picture of Dorian Gray.
7. I want to finish my ABS-CBN internship.
8. I want to draw smileys.
9. I want to see Bob and Nene in Pinoy Big Brother over and over and over and over and over and over again.
10. I want to cook pasta and deep-fried bitter gourd in circles AGAIN.
11. I want to lock myself in MY room.
12. I want to lie down in MY own bed.
13. I want to receive text messages the likes of which Jay used to send me before.
14. I want to sit down in one corner with Russ and HIS HUMOR.
15. I want to talk to Yen.
16. I want Papa to call me.
17. I want to know how to show Liyo the extent of my gratefulness on the person that he is towards me.
18. I want to shake Chai real hard.
19. I want to watch The Hours.
20. I want to talk to God again.
21. I want to tell Wilson that life is not unfair if he chooses it not to be.
22. I want to write Vincent a letter.
23. I want to kiss Vanvan and play child’s games with him.
24. I want to host a TV show.
25. I want to join an organization, a sisterhood, a sports team – just so I could divert myself from things…
26. I want to drown myself in measured group codes and laws.
27. I want to dance.
28. I want to know if establishing a performing company is a good idea.
29. I want to know when Korean TV series will eventually fade fade just like Thalia and the rest of them did.
30. I want to drive.
31. I want to vomit everything I ate and drank today.
32. I want to know why there is a sleep function in TV sets.
33. I want this list not to end.
34. I want to say the words I love you to Mama.
35. I want to know why I’m writing this list.
36. I want to buy another wallet.
37. I want to call Michael.
38. I want to ride a cruise ship alone.
39. I want to finish a short story.
40. I want to read poems.
41. I want to know why Philippine literature is not given much bulk.
42. I want to be assured that I will have my own car and house.
43. I want to know why I can’t work on TV.
44. I want my hair down all the time.
45. I want to visit Nanay’s grave.
46. I want to ask God why He took Gerome away.
47. I want to die first before anyone from my family will.
48. I want to know why beggars will always be there.
49. I want to ask God why He allowed technology to flourish.
50. I want to have my ears pierced.
51. I want to dance in a disco bar.
53. I want to climb the old cacao and guava tree outside the house in Leyte.
54. I want to see my pet chicken.
55. I want Papa to live in Cebu.
56. I want to take all of Vincent’s pain away.
57. I want to show Vanvan how intelligent he is.
58. I want to know when I can write my own book.
59. I want to know why God makes me go through all these.
60. I want to tell Ate Aileen that I hate praying the rosary.
61. I want to ask Ate Ivy if she is proud of me.
62. I want to see Wijie’s head cut…
63. I want to kill myself for tainting my writings with his name.
64. I want to slice up that part of my body that aches every time I have my menstrual period.
65. I want a session with a card-reader.
66. I want to go back to the summer of 2005.
67. I want to see my head scattered like puzzle pieces and fix it up afterwards.
68. I want to go to New York.
69. I want to drink tea.
70. I want to believe that I am luckier than most people.
71. I want to sleep.
72. I want to ask nuns why they chose to become nuns.
73. I want Tatay to kiss me right now.
74. I want to know if Miss Elizalde is still alive.
75. I want someone to explain more concisely General Panic Disorder.
76. I want to know if ghosts really exist.
77. I want to know the difference between a stupid question and a smart one.
78. I want to buy new bags and shoes.
79. I want to tell everyone that confidence on one’s body and face is VERY important.
80. I want to tell Ate Aileen not to be sad that she is the only one praying the rosary right now.

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