August 20, 2005

a shapeless cloud

it's great that i get to devote time to think things over even while rushing through my schedule.
these days, i could best describe myself or the way i've been running as something that is not too predictable, yet not too new.
i pass through things and situations as though a special self has taken over me, one which does not rely too much on the expressive and jovial side of me, nor on the mundane and paranoid-hysterical me.

it seems things have changed.
it seems i take things more slowly, and with less gusto.
is that bad?

it seems everything stands at a semi-monotonous stance.
just nothing.
as though the very red of my being has drained.
is that bad?

maybe that's the word.
immunity to everything itself.
as though i'm walking along a pathless 'road' yet not necessarily empty.
as though sadness itself has taken a silent form, one that does not materialize from my mind, or my heart.
as though happiness just flies above me, ever-fleeting, ever-fast, ever-unreachable... like a shapeless cloud that just stays there, above, hovering, unequaled by any space that i walk on...

i've been thinking lately, what's with everything that i've been doing?
how come there is no peak, no silly shout, no spontaneous jump or twirl?
until i've reached a self-conclusion that maybe, it is all about happiness.
everything seems to boil down to it.
not peace.
the sound of water slowly flowing on stone-covered paths, a single butterfly on a canvassed space, the taste of air in the early morning, slightly wet and carrying with it the smell of green on brown earth...


maux said...

hoy negra aha man si joseth?

naa ko gi comment sa blog ni russ i hope naa pa kay time maminaw ato inspite of your busy schedule as part-time beauty queen kuno and your writing. ingon si che sa surf and play, and i quote: "kita ka ni vera mervin? bangs na kaayo. unsaon nalang si soc"

no hard feelings intawn vera leigh kay kabaw ka nako next week mo-pass on nako sa next life... grabe na akong sakit.

moanha man cguro ko sa skul karon hapon, this day as a person not as a dementor and i hope magkita ta, if makita ka. aw sunny man diay no

now i noticed grabe naka ka attached to mother earth god bless her. cge kag sturya og yuta, clouds, hangin, utot og uban pa. naa pa jud kay butterfly. i can smell your yearning cguro to earthly things. lol. ambot.

kita-kits lang ta. tagda sad intawn ko bisag taas na kaau akong pagtan-aw nimo.

Anonymous said...


yeah, i know marlo. he's an OJT here at NEC (which is where I'm working right now as a programmer)

- dust

liyo_denorte said...

i guess uv never been so bad at all.. at least u see the filaments of your very own life and weave it into this writing.. i must say this must have wraped some of the readers of this blog. they must have feel the very same feeling of such dire moment that comes into our life once in a while: the sense of searching. may u find fragments of hope in your way and somehow strengthen you in your journey towards freedom.

bless your beautiful soul..