a shapeless cloud

it's great that i get to devote time to think things over even while rushing through my schedule.
these days, i could best describe myself or the way i've been running as something that is not too predictable, yet not too new.
i pass through things and situations as though a special self has taken over me, one which does not rely too much on the expressive and jovial side of me, nor on the mundane and paranoid-hysterical me.

it seems things have changed.
it seems i take things more slowly, and with less gusto.
is that bad?

it seems everything stands at a semi-monotonous stance.
just nothing.
as though the very red of my being has drained.
is that bad?

immunity.
maybe that's the word.
immunity to everything itself.
as though i'm walking along a pathless 'road' yet not necessarily empty.
as though sadness itself has taken a silent form, one that does not materialize from my mind, or my heart.
as though happiness just flies above me, ever-fleeting, ever-fast, ever-unreachable... like a shapeless cloud that just stays there, above, hovering, unequaled by any space that i walk on...

i've been thinking lately, what's with everything that i've been doing?
how come there is no peak, no silly shout, no spontaneous jump or twirl?
until i've reached a self-conclusion that maybe, it is all about happiness.
everything seems to boil down to it.
not peace.
happiness...
the sound of water slowly flowing on stone-covered paths, a single butterfly on a canvassed space, the taste of air in the early morning, slightly wet and carrying with it the smell of green on brown earth...