apparently, i keep listening to jazz music, without sufficient background on it or any other genre of music for that matter.
so perhaps it has to do with everything but the plain science of its rhythm... i love listening to it, just covering my ears and eventually my whole self with their strokes, track after track, moment after moment, almost in a sleepy stance, but beautiful.
but as for me, things are going towards the opposite.
everything is about the science of it, the utter appearance of things and events at their own pace and my involvement in them, just the process of all these things happening around me, by me, and with me.
it is at an almost- steady-running pace, circling around me. just around me, not enveloping nor penetrating, just circling, a noiseless cycle without even a single hum of happiness.
i have gone farther and farther from the usual noise of my days. even my mind runs at a steady, noiseless pace - always thinking but not really understanding; my eyes look at things about me - but it is devoid of any 'seeing.'
for the first time in years, i feel afraid.