i think i will vomit.
at some points now, i look at people i've known for years, and i cannot tell who they are.
and i cannot be sure if they see me too.
it is a dragging cycle of exchanged smiles, exchanged words, exchanged pats on the shoulder, exchanged comforts.
how will i see them behind those routines?
how will they see me?
there are certain patterns that i have to follow.
certain codes of behaviors that restrict me to shout at them;
restrict me to take off my shirt as i itch inside from all the puppetry;
restrict me to cry as i look at blank faces - faces i have been with for a long time, faces i have memorized.
sometimes it aches to think that all i see are faces.