October 13, 2004

pienso que vomitare

i think i will vomit.

at some points now, i look at people i've known for years, and i cannot tell who they are.
and i cannot be sure if they see me too.
it is a dragging cycle of exchanged smiles, exchanged words, exchanged pats on the shoulder, exchanged comforts.
how will i see them behind those routines?
how will they see me?
there are certain patterns that i have to follow.
certain codes of behaviors that restrict me to shout at them;
restrict me to take off my shirt as i itch inside from all the puppetry;
restrict me to cry as i look at blank faces - faces i have been with for a long time, faces i have memorized.
sometimes it aches to think that all i see are faces.
not hearts.
not minds.
not hatred.
not lust.
not love.
not passion.
not courage.
not fear.

1 comment:

RUSS said...

Ver....AM I ONE OF THE FACES? I hope not...coz if I am...I'm gonna kill you...that's not a joke.