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October 13, 2004

drunk minds

i was with friends.
FRIEND - n. someone on terms of affection and regard for another
who is neither relative nor lover

one was jaded.
"i'm jaded," she said. she looked like those gummy bears
already dusted clear of sugar, softer and 'jellier' on the sides.
she sat by the door...not sat. sprawled. again, "i'm jaded."
earlier, she tried her fingers on the guitar strings.
she couldn't, wouldn't finish playing one song.
it was all about strums with floating curses and
floating numbness.
JADED - adj. dulled by satiety//tired

one was passive.
she was looking at pictures from an album filled with faces
of artists - young artists taking a break by the seashore,
faces and bodies seemingly salted and oiled.
but i couldn't tell what this friend was thinking.
she was passive. "where do we go?," third friend asks.
passive friend raises her eyes, absentmindedly flipping album pages.
in the end, she would stand up, walk, sit, walk.
she would buy bread, eat them. she would laugh with us,
talk with us.but what's behind her passiveness?
troubled self? confused daughter? tired student?
there isn't much with her passiveness.
but something's bubbling inside her.
thoughts. fears. anger. happiness.
PASSIVE - adj. not reacting to an external influence, inert//
offering no resistance

one was confused.
should she shout? should she again push cellphone buttons,
send a message to him who made her cry?
should she shout curses and end a destructing ache?
should she cry? should she pick a pen, draw tight-lipped
and chinky-eyed faces? should she sing songs of heartaches,
or songs of jubilance? should she go home, review for her defense
on radio formats, talk to her brother?
CONFUSED - v.t. to throw into disorder, jumble together//
to fail to distinguish between

one was sober.
clear-headed. temperate.moderate. restrained.
he said he erased some of his blog posts.
all those fucks drove away some of his readers, he said.
offended them perhaps. or shattered their safety zones.
or drove them to ask questions they wished they didn't
have to ask themselves. this friend wrote those things.
this friend drove people crazy sometimes.
is he mad himself? i'd like to think he's not.
because if he is, then we'd all be mad ourselves.
and now i'm stopping this. he's driving me crazy.
SOBER - adj. restrained//unruffled//subdued//

we went to BRead and BUtter. bread. butter.
keep it plain as that.
only the place smelled different with us around.
laughter.
drunk minds.
we invaded the honks of cars by the side of the bakery.
invaded the passersby-by with varied clothes, hair, expressions, minds.
invaded the city lights.
invaded the night.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

one is a memory...
if moments of this friend are to be transcribed in frescos, it would have been a handsome and slender figure oggling at a white spotted, gray lizard (tuko) almost chamouflaged on the unpainted concrete walls of a humble home... thinking of it (the tuko) as a toy, lest it moved. a friend who could have taken part in the morbidity of the bread and butter scene... A friend who is now beyond apparition...
Memory: n. an image or idea stored in the mind that can be delibrately or incidentally recalled.
Nice blog ver...

Hiraya said...

to previous comment:

and we miss that last friend.

--chai