" I'm at Alcoy now, escaping once again the brutality of all this. Why'd I choose to spend some time online? I should know. But what the hell, gikapoy ko, nanglagot ko, and I need to spend this time at least with a semblance of peace since nothing can be painted white at this point in my life. Am I doing good? Fucked up siguro but that's not the point right? There is a quiet little spot here that says "eternal bliss" all over. If I was brave enough and if Vera did choose to die, I would like to give myself to its waters. I wouldn't have to read any more emails that'll wreck every single cell of my body into desolation and utter, utter frustration, sadness, and death. I didn't read any emails today, a few more days perhaps, when I'm ready to take another blow, I'll read one. No, I'm not ok. Ver, I wish you were here. "
Russ at Mango Square resting in my almost-invisible orange arm, 2006