So that's it. I want to go back to my passionate self and return to the smell of that wet earth.
The Manila trip was generally okay. I cried thrice, all three times after meeting up with my father. I had no pictures in Diliman, I wasn't able to go to Makati or Malate, I ate lots of chicken, I met two of my friends from Leyte, one night I said I hated SOCO so turn off the T.V. and it mysteriously turned on by itself, I saw the original Tiyanak and Machete and other historical film materials at the Mowelfund Film Institute, I got to talk to all directors of the films for our study - Maryo J. delos Reyes, Mark Meily (I could have sat for hours talking to him), and Gil POrtes (who talked about the president), I didn't ride a plane, everything seemed gray and huge and running, Tagalog language is a problem for me, the apartment where we stayed had hard water, it felt awkward every time I said Kuya Ry or Ate Icy or Ate Grace, I didn't see Ultra where the stampede tragedy happened, I passed by the Church where Santa Santita was filmed, I wore black and white and black and brown.
Vincent bought his guitar after he, Joseph and Mama fetched me up at the pier. Back at home, I started scolding him, he hugged me and said Gakos beh, mingaw man.
I went to the opening of Pat's and Russ' exhibit Red. I invited Ate Aileen and Ate Ivy but they didn't make it. I wore brown and was emcee for the night, after the program and the cocktails we went up and had coffee and talked. It was a cold night when we went home and we all agreed how it's good to have this weather but also contemplated that the rains should also stop since some provinces have landslides and there is no room for the papers or television news for any more mass deaths.
It's Lovapalooza and Valentine's day and I had a slight argument with Jojo and was too disappointed with him to event think twice about him.
Prom night and I blurted to Mama, Panagsa ra gani ka magbuhat ani nya mag-in-ana pa jud, which was of course very wrong of me since Mama has always been there to drop me off to where I have to go and she was only scolding me because I laxed too much, and it was 8pm already but I was still dressing up and the invitation card said that the party starts at 6:30pm. I can not undo that statement and I am too big a coward to say sorry.
On impulse, I joined a dating game, the guy was 27, they said I answered the questions in all my seriousnes, I whispered to him the truth and said I joined the game because my night was ruined, we held hands rather longer than the other girls, he stood up for me to whisper in his ear because I told him to, he asked me if a guy just didn't respond to me would I still go for him and I said there is always a point when you say to yourself that you have to stop because it's not good to be giving too much of yourself and not be getting anything back. He said I was the confident girl and decided on choosing the funny girl.
I danced at the isolated bridge on the upper area of the pool and went to the railings which were dangerously placed at the steep part, like a cliff overlooking the city and shouted "Future boyfriend, sleep tight!"