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May 6, 2005

'had a dose of the province's sun and family talks

family talks.. not here. not now. in case you haven't noticed, i don't talk about them here.
their stories come in whispers.
our stories lay in the secret pages of my own thoughts.

the burial last wednesday came with less tears than i expected. not much wailing, fllinging of arms, or fainting, or curses. i did my best not to cry while the officiating priest babbled on.
babbled.

i cried.
i wish the tears were not because of the disappointing priest who sported his soutane (yes; sported), as though faking sympathy while talking about how dying means the dead are happy because they will meet God (how about the persons they leave behind? tell me, how about the others? where is the happiness and comfort when you grope your way in the night, wounded, hurt...)

i hate that priest.
all the more when he went on with the mass with his head bowed almost all the time. the sick fellow kept reading from a copy, even while he raised the "bread and cup of life."

on second thought, i pity him.


the sun.
let's talk about the sun.

yesterday was 05-05-05.
amidst jokes that yesterday was a day for the canned sardines (giving credit to a brand of preserved food in cans, 555), i woke up with the charmed voice of the child in me.

today is special.
something special might happen.
i will do something crazy today.

i rode with my legs dangling from the inside of a truck.
i jumped from the sides of a dam to the river.

not crazy, but exciting enough.

jumping down, i suddenly thought all my worries would go down, too. all those piled-up self-pity and disappointments. it had more to do with me than with the others around me who pass by my own pages and

2 comments:

patzz said...

my condolences, ver. do you need it? i've always tried to be indeterminately gleeful on funerals, but really, who can keep a straight face when someone you know is being lowered into dirt right before your eyes?

it's not easily learned, but the ability to wisk worries away with a single stroke of the hair is actually within your grasp. :)

Anonymous said...

"condolence,Ver" i wish this was the phrase i blurted out.....instead of those nonsense questions....i'm really sorry for that....after all i am really stupid :) as the song goes by sugarfree"ako ang hari ng sablay....hinding-hindi makasabay sa agos ng aking buhay.