no one told me i have to keep my emotions in check

or my temper for that matter.
still, no one told me i have to always appear the girl with the destructive pride.
'double' still, no one told me i have to swallow my anger because someone might get hurt.
no one told me i have to live with this set-up for as long as i have to socialize.

question.
allow me to ask.
do others around me think in this line:?
"i have to swallow my anger because Vera might get hurt"
"i have to live with this set-up for as long as i soialize with Vera"

now think hard Vera.
why did you have to post this in the first place.
you have to justify these words lest you be thought of as someone who holds grudges.

this is not in particular reference to yen, who by the way, is one of the closest description of a best-friend that i have for my college days, and who i just had a tantrum-exchange with.
this is not in particular reference to russ, who lets me check my sanity-state every now and then by jumping to moods of hysterical laughter, joke-exchanges, and life-checks with me. this
this is not in particular reference to liyo, who remains to be my comfort pillow, my totally-unnatural guy, the closest i'd get to having the likes of virginia woolf as a friend.
this is not in particular reference to chai, who for some reasons share her childlike-sweetness with me, who keeps my emotions in check everytime i let go of the railings and jump down the cliff.

not them.
not me.

i cannot explain more.
i should stop.
no one requires me to do this.
so why bother?