never erase posts and regret afterwards

for the record, i have only erased one.
that single post on the late Julian Jumalon
and his famed butterfly collection,
art pieces, and most importantly,
the butterfly sanctuary.
(not a butterfly house.a garden.
a butterfly garden.there's a big difference
and i'll explain it later.)

so i erased it, thinking i had to
because it only adds up to the pressure
in finishing the story.
but now i need it.
badly.
now i'm reminded of what russ once asked me
of all the junks we throw in the net.
where do they go?
like some air vanishing?
are there some magical codes
to recover disposed words?
is there such a program
to scavenge through all those deleted items?

so anyway, i sit here quite disturbed
by the fact that i get lots of headaches nowadays.
and i rarely feel such physical pain.
in all 19 years!
i swear i don't feel headaches! just now.
in vernacular,
karon ra.

now i'm blabbing and drifting.
that's the magic of headaches.

so anyway (repeated), about the butterfly garden
being different from a butterfly house.
first, butterfly gardens come rarely. butterfly houses-
there are lots of them. worldwide.
second, butterflies in open gardens fly freely
than the ones in houses.
butterfly houses though, appear rather more beautiful
for the visiting tourist.
and why not, when the butterflies,
larvae, cocoons are encased?
but with the garden...
well, there's both beauty and magic.
and why not magical, when it seems you catch up
with your childhood fancies and dreams
while sitting and strolling along the garden.
suddenly, a passing black and lime green above,
just over to the left below the camias leaf.
just after you see that first precious butterfly,
more colorful wings flit above you,
then a cocoon just beside you in fact,
planted to a leaf beside your cheek.

...
there i go again.
blabbing.

oh poor draft on butterflies
that i threw to the winds!
poor me.

just a single click on the delete button,
and i can't get it back.