January 20, 2005

i blog-browsed

and i saw this blog with the name "____ to ponder"
of course i cut the first part of the blog name.

posts went like:
i saw you today.
we walked towards each other.
i met you today outside the library.
i was so excited.

at one point there, i almost copied every post from his/her page (her most probably, really. the tone is that much of a girl's. or a homosexual's maybe.)
i find it cute. and direct. almost pure in fact. as though the author had nothing else to do but chronicle every detail of fated meetings with that special... well.. hmmm.. half.

about an hour later, i saw you again.
my heart jumped.

you see, i told myself several weeks ago that i will not open my account.
i will not see green on the monitor screen.
i will not read my sometimes stupid sing-song snetences.
but i just had to go all the way after i came upon the ponder-blog.
the thing is, it was not about the romance nature of the matter that interested me. nor the story of someone the author sees in school and walks with to the clinic while thinking how her injured knee felt so much better.

i felt envious really.
envious of the way she puts things as they come her way.
number 1 scene comes and i react.
number two comes and i smile.
3, and i think i will say something witty.
phew. that was exciting.
4, and i will smile then say 'really?'

no in-betweens.
is this scene 1? oh dear, oh dear. ahmm.. okay i'll just wave my hand.. no, not wave.. ahmm.
should i smile? there it goes, now they think i'm smiling.
well, so what? they weren't really trying to read me.
i am just passing by, right?
can i get directly to scene 8?
oh! the hassles of honesty!
i should have just went away.

well, better go with the lead.

here i go.

i wish i can be a hairclip for one day.

don't even attempt to figure my words.

No comments: